We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
