porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
