before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
