Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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