I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wanna go halves on a baby?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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