No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
