he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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