you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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