his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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