Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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