I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
