he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
