Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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