so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
