Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
