We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
