I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
