I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
