Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
