You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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