you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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