"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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