If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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