I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wanna passion pit in your ass
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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