Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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