I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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