I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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