Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just invented taco cereal.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
