I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
