Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
