do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize