Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
