look no pants
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
