So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
