make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
