Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
