I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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