I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
