You just made me feel so damn special
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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