Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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