I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
