If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize