If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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