he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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