This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
