I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
