I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
