Kiss
Puke
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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