Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is the high leading the old right now
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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