Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
