there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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