Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you win again, gameday.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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