How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
