My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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