if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
