I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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