feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
