based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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