You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize