Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
