I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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