3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
