I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
