I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
