a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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