cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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