After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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