The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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