my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
