She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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