Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
