if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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