Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
