1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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