You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
