we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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