According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
