Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
