I hate all girls vehemently.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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