her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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