hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
