You're my little dorito
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
