How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
