Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
