Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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